A few days ago I was going to my mailbox which sits atop a short but steep hill. I decided to run for no particular reason and when I reached the top I thought about how 5 years ago I couldn’t run at all, let alone uphill.
My life is completely different now.
Over the years, I have lost and gained weight too many times to count. At present day, my body is not what anyone would call “ideal”. I could list off the flaws for you, but I don’t want to do that. I want to be kind to myself. Because this body of mine will do pretty much anything I ask it to.
I can run, bike, hike, swim, dance, play, stretch, and sleep soundly. It is strong and healthy. So, on this day at the mailbox, when I am marveling at the chasm between five years ago and now, a familiar voice spoke up in my head.
“Sure, but you could still stand to lose 20 pounds.”
Why am I so cruel to myself? (maybe you can relate?) I try not to think this way, but it’s a constant battle.
As I stood there at the mailbox with these conflicting voices going around in my head, a thought entered my mind with such force I haven’t been able to forget about it since. It was this:
WHAT IF I HAD THE AUDACITY TO START LOVING MY BODY AS IT IS RIGHT NOW IN THIS MOMENT?
I haven’t been able to stop thinking about what this means. Can I just decide this and then make it so? I think yes. And, I’m going to try. But instead of thinking of it as a constant battle, I am thinking of it as a practice.
I have so many thoughts on this subject that for months, I have actually been keeping a dedicated notebook in which I collect articles, ideas, and thoughts.
I wanted to blog about them as a way to sort through, and solidify them in my mind. But, I also wanted to have a conversation with anyone that might have a different perspective or insight to share.
If loving your body is something that you struggle with too maybe you’ll join me?
PS. I can’t even believe how scared I am to click publish right now. What’s up with that?